For the love of mothers on Mother’s Day

I swear I saw them cut the umbilical cord when my two boys were born. And yet, it often feels like that never happened.

I know I’m not alone in feeling this way. I’ve had this discussion many times with other moms as we feel big feelings when we lament our kids’ challenges, share their successes, and see them into adulthood. There’s never a shortage of topics when talking about the highs and the lows. Everyone has them, right? Some way more than others. That, after all, is part of our job of being a mom.

But I had no idea. I honestly thought that kids would grow up and we wouldn’t be needed as much. They’d grow up. We’d grow apart. The worries and anxieties would stop. Ha. Was I wrong. These days it seems many of our kids are still so attached. Some call or text throughout the day, every day. Others only reach out if they need something or if there’s a problem. We stay attached. The umbilical cord symbolically uncut.

Me and my mom.

I’m thinking about this today, which is Mother’s Day. Because both of my boys are out of town today, I’ve spent more time wishing other mothers Happy Mother’s Day. So many mothers. So many wishes! Words of affirmation. Acknowledgements of struggles. Beautiful pictures posted to social media. To those who get to spend the day with their kids, enjoy this time. To those whose kids aren’t around, I hope you are looking forward to the next time you’ll see each others.

Since we are the sandwich generation, some of my friends and relatives are lucky enough to still have their mothers around to send greetings to or to spend time with. I, sadly, lost my mother when I was only 29 years old. That was a long time ago and I was young (the age my oldest son is now). I was pissed. I know it wasn’t her fault that she got sick and died. But I was still pissed. Even though we had a fraught relationship once I hit my teen years, I just wasn’t ready for it. Once I had children of my own I really started to miss her. There was no one to go to for advice. There was no one to ooh and ahh over the cute babies. My father was great. But he wasn’t my mother. I’m still sad that she never got to enjoy the joy of grandchildren.

Luckily I am blessed to have two other mother figures in my life – my mother-in-law and my mother’s youngest sister. They are both excellent examples of what to do as a mother, and what not to do, which is okay. We all have to learn from each other and I have learned much from them and appreciate having them in my life. They’re not the same as my own mother, but are good surrogates.

I am also very privileged to have so many other mothers to turn to – my good friends who have spent many hours commiserating with me over raising children. I look to them for advice and sometimes even offer some myself. But most importantly, I’m happy to hear them out and so appreciate it when they do that for me as well.

I looked up the history of Mother’s Day, thinking that it was another Hallmark holiday. But it’s much richer than that. Celebrations of mothers and motherhood can be traced back to the ancient Greeks and Romans and spread throughout Europe. The American Mother’s Day was created by Anna Jarvis in 1908 and became an official U.S. holiday in 1914. Jarvis later denounced the holiday’s commercialization and spent the latter part of her life trying to remove it from the calendar. But it’s still there – cards, flowers, brunch and all. I think it’s great. We need to spend some time really appreciating all the mothers in the world – wishing each other a good day – and understanding that the umbilical cord was never cut.

My boys! Always up for an adventure!

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My `Google problem’ and how I got my name back

After meeting with a large public relations firm for a project two years ago, one of the principals – a former Associated Press reporter – politely pulled me aside to ask me about my “Google problem.”

“Huh?” I thought as I pretended to know what he was talking about. It quickly became evident that he had Googled me before the meeting and instead of focusing on my  Flash Media Services business website that highlighted my business capabilities, he was drawn to the other website that boldly carried my name, cynthiaflash.com.

My name has served me well as a professional journalist and publicist. It even set off bells around the world when I started working for United Press International.

But a few years ago, I discovered that a female escort in Fort Lauderdale, Fla., had grabbed it for her business. Yikes! She was beautiful and buxomy and nearly naked. Not bad to look at – if you are a guy! But this was not the image I hoped to portray for my very above-board public relations company.

When I found that someone was using my name to sell sex I immediately called my high school friend, who is a local police chief. She suggested I call the Fort Lauderdale police to see if there was anything they could do. I called. They couldn’t help.

So the nefarious cynthiaflash.com continued to prominently populate the Internet. It usually popped up as no. 1 through 3 when I searched my name. My business website, http://www.flashmediaservices.com, was there as well. But for some reason I feared it wasn’t getting as much attention.

Occasionally I would share this little tidbit about my name with friends. The women groaned in sympathy. The men – including my husband – snickered. They offered no attempt to conceal their interest. I’m sure many of them went straight to the site after meeting me.

And some, including the former AP guy, probably were a bit disappointed when they met me in person after stumbling across this other website.

Over the years several writer friends suggested that I write about it. But I couldn’t. While some believe “any publicity is good publicity,” I couldn’t go there in this case. I just couldn’t see how a Fort Lauderdale escort would help my PR business.

I even convinced my brother, who shares the same last name, to buy domain names with his name and his children’s names so this couldn’t happen to them.

But I wished there was something I could do about it. I stepped it up a notch after the conversation with the former AP guy. He offered his company’s services to try to bury the site to the second page of a Google search. I asked my own web designer if there was anything he could do. While he doubted he could bury it, he checked to see when the domain name registration on the site would expire. It was expiring shortly, it turned out. So he tried to buy it. Unfortunately, that didn’t work. The current owner paid up.

That was two years ago. I continued to try to ignore it.

Then, out of the blue, I received an e-mail from my web guy back in June. “Good news!” he said. He had placed a backorder on the domain and when it expired and was not renewed, it went up for auction. The service we paid to keep an eye on it automatically bid for it and I won my name back for $50! What a deal. And it all took place automatically.

Thank you, Reiner Perry and Web Studio Seattle for getting my name back for me. And to all of you who searched www.cynthiaflash.com while reading this, you’ll know by now that it has been redirected to my Flash Media Services website.

As for the Fort Lauderdale escort? I have no idea where she is. I wish her the best of luck in her business dealings. Just don’t use my name!

Once a writer always a writer

By Cynthia Flash

Have you ever talked to an artist or an engineer? They really can’t talk without holding a pen in their hand and drawing something to illustrate the point they’re trying to make. They need to use a visual to explain themselves. It’s part of their makeup, their very being.

I’m a bit like that. But I don’t use the pen to draw pictures. I use it to write. I’ve been a writer since I was a young girl. I would write stories for fun in my spare time. I used to write long letters home from camp. I used to hide out in my closet – my own little fort – and fill notebooks with doodles and thoughts.

When I had to choose a career to explore while in 8th grade I remember talking to my father about it. I told him I wanted to be a writer, but I didn’t think it was practical to be a novelist because the chances for success were pretty slim. He encouraged me to consider journalism. I didn’t even know what a journalist was; I’d never thought about who wrote newspapers or magazines.

I took his advice and spent the day with a reporter for the Seattle P-I and became hooked. I joined the junior high newspaper, wrote for the high school newspaper, applied to J School and became a journalist. Easy as that! Well, not really. It was tough, but I stuck it out.

Now that my career has shifted away from journalism to media relations I still write a lot. I write and edit blogs for clients, create news releases and newsletters, ghost write columns for busy executives, and still write under my own byline every once in a while.

But I miss writing for myself. So, this blog will be an outlet for my own writing – and a few other things. I may offer commentary on my life, on life in general, or on the news. It won’t follow a particular format or schedule. It’s just a way for me to keep writing, to showcase my work, and for friends, clients and potential clients to peek into my head.

I welcome your comments. Thanks for reading.